We recently went with friends to Rathlin Island to find puffins. Within 100 steps I had fallen flat on my face. I knew people were staring and I seriously didn't want any extra attention. I felt like a total idiot! Who falls flat on their face for no reason. I accepted help getting up but was determined to enjoy our outing. After visiting the nurse's station to check me out and pop some stitch plaster on my nose we carried on with our exploring and had a beautiful time on the island. In the days that followed I was quite exhausted (and bruised). I realised I needed time to process what had happened. Our friends left a couple of days later and I took that time to sit with what had happened.
Why am I telling you this story? Well, I got thinking how when we become a mother, we don't make time to process our birth. We immerse ourselves into everything that's happening now, because we have to, but also because we don't want to cause disruption and make a fuss because we're fine and baby is here and fine too.
Some births, in fact quite a few, don't end with a happy, healthy mother and baby. The latest statistics are 1 in 3 births being perceived as traumatic. To be honest I think it's waaay higher than that, we just rationalise our experience and are often grateful we were 'saved' by the hospital. Tell me you haven't heard, "Well at least your baby is well and healthy." Have standards slipped so much that all we expect is a healthy baby? You as parents deserve better!
As humans we live our life through our senses - ie sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. We process a memory through those filters, and parts of that memory may have been deleted, distorted or generalised. This is why 2 people who experience the same thing can come up with different versions of the story. Our perception of reality is often based on our beliefs, points of view, previous experiences and how we filter and process and experience. Society has also played a role by minimising trauma. At least we have a healthy baby, right?
Certain life events impact us in ways we never thought possible. Birth is one of those events. It holds the power to transform and shape the way we enter motherhood (and fatherhood). Is that transformation positive?
How Can Birth Trauma Effect Me?
Trauma can occur anytime from conception through to the postnatal period. From pregnancy loss, dealing with hyperemesis gravidarum, poor maternal care, obstetric violence right through to traumatic birth outcomes. For ease of reading Birth Trauma will encompass all these moments within this period between conception through to the postnatal period.
Birth trauma & Dads
Birth trauma isn't just experienced by the mother. It is, unfortunately, common for dads to experience the birth of their son or daughter as traumatic, although he may not admit it in such words. Often the father is left shell shocked after seeing his beloved wife/partner go through a dreadful ordeal. He may even have seen his wife/partner be whisked away without anyone telling him what was happening and he is left alone with his thoughts and imagination.
It would be very telling if we could separate trauma into"trauma caused by maternity care" and "other". How you are treated during your pregnancy, birth and postpartum has a deep impact. When any of the symptoms mentioned below impact your day to day activities and capacity, and have lasted more than a month, it's worth considering some outside help to work through your trauma.
Common Trauma Themes
The more parents I talk to, the more I can see how the medical system is contributing to trauma. Here are a few examples:
- Feeling pressurised
- Interventions
- Not being listened to
- Not enough time to ask questions
- Being infantalised
- Coercion and being threatened
- Feeling observed
- Appeasing others for safety
- Fear of your own life, or your baby, or your partner
- Inability to escape
Characteristics of Birth Trauma
- Sleep issues eg. falling asleep or staying asleep
- Substantial memory loss about parts of birth
- Hyper-vigilance
- Flashbacks
- Anger or irritability
- Being on constant high-alert and unnaturally jumpy
- Communication breakdown with family and friends
- Nightmares
- Panic attacks
- Sadness
- Difficulty concentrating
- Feeling numb
- Recurring thoughts about the birth or avoiding anything to do with the event
Your birth may have been a good outcome on paper. Your midwives and health visitor may read your notes and have no understanding of how YOU perceived your birth. You may find the medical team who were with you feel that it was a good birth, but what is the most important fact is how YOU feel about your birth (or your wife/partner). You are the person who has to live with this experience, so how you feel is the highest priority of all.
Why am I so triggered?
The amygdala is part of the limbic system of the brain- the emotional brain. It is the seat of our emotions, especially fear and where we process and store memories. After a traumatic event, all other functioning is suspended so the trauma can be dealt with and then filed away in the neo cortex- the logical, thinking part of our brain. Because of the extremely activated emotions of fear and often helplessness felt during the trauma, the memory and the emotion become a complex and complicated knot. The amygdala becomes familiar with the sensory information like sounds, smells, faces, environments, sensations. Thoughts and associated stimuli can cause a flood of fear and anxiety to return and be re-lived, and so every time the person thinks, talks about or even has a flash back of their traumatic event, they can be re-traumatised. This continuing pattern deepens the neural pathways, leaving a person easily triggered or in a state of trauma.
You will be aware of shallow breathing, decreased appetite, increased heart rate and poor decision making as adrenalin courses through your body. This is the flight or fight response kicking in.
Breaking the Trauma Cycle
The reasoning part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, wants to reassure the mind and the body that nothing is wrong, however the stress response from the amygdala (the emotional side of the brain) drowns out all other voices of reasoning. Having a birth debrief in the hospital, often where the trauma occurred, may be more triggering than helpful and healing to you.
If you feel you can't move beyond this traumatic event, I want you to know hope is not lost! Working with a 3-step rewind practitioner can help re-frame your traumatic memory.
What is the 3 Step Rewind?
The 3 step rewind was created using NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) techniques. It is NOT a cure, or a therapy or a treatment. It takes you through a process.Through relaxation techniques and making the mind and body feel safe, the arousal levels from the amygdala can be soothed and the developed pattern of trauma can be interrupted. Using outcome focused questions, looking to the future and seeing new perspectives and possibilities starts the re-wiring of your story.
Using your imagination, your 3 step rewind practitioner will take your through the process of watching your experience from different perspectives. The memory is then dealt with, released and re-framed. To watch new pathways being formed is astounding to watch unfold. Seeing a light and hope come back into my client's heart is a true privilege.
The three-step rewind I did with Nicola after the baby was a lovely and gentle way to reframe any memories into more positive ones.
~Anastasia~
Preventing Birth Trauma
The amount of clients who find me after a traumatic first birth is heart breaking! Parenting shouldn't have to start with trauma, but nowadays it's the norm. If you are pregnant with your first, or are exploring your options after a birth that had left you fearing pregnancy and birth again, here are some helpful tips:
- Deal with the fear. You've got to work through your fears, or they will be with you in throughout your pregnancy and birth, undermining what you are wanting to achieve this time around.
- Hire a doula. She will support whatever choices you make without any judgement. She will be a safe place for you to talk through any concerns or fears you are having, and she will protect your birth space, speaking up on your behalf if necessary.
- Understand how birth works. Learn about how incredibly your body has been designed for birth. Understand what supports and hinders birth from progressing. There are incredible books, Instagram accounts and podcasts out there. Immerse yourself in it all. You won't regret it.
- Consider an independent childbirth education course which is free to discuss all the options available, with the risks and benefits of those options.
- Make an informed choice by making sure you are getting ALL the information. That is the responsibility of your care provider-to give you ALL the facts so that you can make a decision that feels right for you! (Read this blog on taking control of your birth)
- Build a team around you who believe and trust in birth and have the same outlook as you. When the going gets tough, you will want your team to be encouraging you from the sidelines, not showing you the easy way ou
At least 1 in 3 will experience birth as a traumatic event. Of those people, 4-9 % of them will go on to develop PTSD. The perinatal period is a period of much change and vulnerability. It's time to break the cycle! It's time for healing and taking control of our own bodies and decisions about the care we receive.
I chose to become a 3 step rewind practitioner because of the horrific stories I was hearing from new parents - especially dads, during the Covid restrictions. This tool has been so helpful in restoring families, relationships and people's mental health. If you would like to discuss anything about previous birth trauma, or preparing for your next pregnancy, I'd love to explore how I can support you. Why not book in for a FREE discovery call -it will be a pleasure to talk further with you.
Book NOW!
Pregnancy After a Traumatic Birth
Are you thinking about your next pregnancy? Perhaps your previous experience is holding you back from falling pregnant again.
Maybe you're pregnant already, and all your memories from your last pregnancy and/or birth are surfacing, taking your breath away, because you don't want a repeated experience.
I have been working in the background, creating an in-person, trauma-aware antenatal course, specifically with you in mind.
ROOTED focuses on:
- Understanding your nervous system and knowing how to regulate it.
- Birth partners are given practical tools to support, advocate and feel confident in their role.
- We prepare holistically for pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period.
Classes are kept small to ensure a safe, nurturing and intimate environment.